What God May Really Be Like – Misbeliefs About God

Husband – Leader Or Servant?

Does the Bible teach men are to exercise loving leadership over their wives in marriage as opposed to self-giving love within a relationship of mutual submission? Women over the centuries have been subject to abuse at the hands of men. Advising men the Bible suggest their wives are to be submissive to them in a way men are not to be submissive to their wives can be, I believe, abuse-provoking. Based on man’s track record, it seems the last thing men need over women is any type of authority. One person wrote to the editor of a newspaper “…it’s been bothering me since 9/11. What’s the difference between the strain of Islam that proscribes gender roles and its counterpart in Christianity that does the same thing, albeit with a different set of prohibitions?”

Which intuitively sounds safer and more biblical, that men should lead or serve more their wives? Why would marriage/gender roles be different than Jesus’ emphasis in His earthly ministry to crowds, which was much more about service than who is in charge? Greatness was achieved through servanthood. (Mt 20:26-27) By Jesus’ example did He come to lead or serve more? I have seen a great deal of pain coming from the notion that the husband is the spiritual leader of the woman in marriage. As well, many women are denied the privilege to exercise their spiritual gifts in the church because of one particular biblical passage (I Tim. 2:11-15), which is highly debated among evangelical scholars. Finally, like the person above in the newspaper article, many people are not interested in a faith or God who teaches husbands have more authority than their wives when it comes to decision making in the relationship. It is nonsensical. Frequently, the woman is far more competent in certain areas of the relationship. Do women, and not men, need permission from their spouse to make certain decisions because of some advised hierarchy?

I understand many do not abuse what I will refer to as a “loving leadership” model as opposed to a “servanthood” model of love. This is not the case though for many husbands who believe they have any kind of authority over their wives in marriage. Furthermore, many women become confused, frustrated, and alienated from God when expected to be submissive to their husband in a way their husband is not submissive to them. The argument that you are equal but have less authority probably didn’t do much for slaves as well. In relationships when one has more authority than the other, abuse is possible because of human nature. There are more checks and balances when under authority of one’s government or church leadership. But, even church leadership doesn’t have authority over one’s personal relationship with Christ and their individual decisions. Christians are under the authority of Jesus the Christ. 

Genesis 3:16 describes what happens when sins enter relationships. Men will attempt to rule over women. God is describing problems not prescribing roles. Curses are warnings, not counsel for God’s plan. History confirms God’s prediction that man’s natural tendency is to dominate or rule over women. Why would God ordain husbands to have authority over their wives when He predicted as a result of sin that men are susceptible to ruling over women? To appoint man as authority over woman can encourage dominance on the man’s part and dependence on the woman’s part.  Submission is a way of life for all Christians. A system of mutual accountability is always a healthier pattern for marriages. We know why men take to leadership like glue. Who doesn’t want to head up an organization of two where difficult, personal decisions have to be made?

Do we need male leadership in marriage or unselfish men who have the heart of a servant? (Eph. 5) Many men may be too quick to assume an impasse in a marriage cannot be solved through normal conflict resolutions means, especially when they think they are suppose to provide leadership in decision-making. One prominent Christian leader was quoted as saying when asked if a man and woman have equal responsibility in marriage:  “Yes, However, when there is a final decision that needs to be made and they can’t arrive at one, the man needs to take responsibility.” Why not allow the partner who has the most expertise with the matter at hand to make the final decision or some other creative manner? This is the environment less conducive for domestic abuse and the other atrocities women face at the hands of men in our society. I have been married over twenty-seven years and I have not encountered one impasse that could not be solved in ways other relationships solve differences. But, I didn’t always think this way until believing in  a servant than leadership model in marriage.

Finally, the fact that God is referred to as Father predominately in Scripture does not suggest males have any special authoritative or leadership roles. The gods of the nations in biblical times were described as either male or female. By contrast, the Jews did not speculate about the “masculinity” of God. The biblical authors used whatever term appropriate for the audience they were writing to. Likely, part of the reason for more male references is the mainly patriarchal cultures the writers lived in. For more in depth treatment of the biblical passages relevant to this discussion, one can refer to the chapter on God and Women in my book  God May Not Be Your Problem! – Images Of God That Cause Unbelief or Despair

Does God Promise Us Our Every Need?

Does God promise to find us jobs, money, or food when starving? I understand this discussion will disturb some. If God doesn’t promise to meet our physical needs, then can we really depend on Him? But, if we don’t deal with reality and Scriptures and truly understand who God is, it may impact our relationship regardless. When we are unemployed, does God guarantee He will find us a job? If we are single and want to be married, will He find us a partner? If we don’t have food on the table, will He find a miraculous way to provide our daily bread? This is a different discussion for us versus those in third world countries. We consider ourselves starving if we don’t have a least one meal a day. Some in other countries are glad to eat far less often and would not say they are starving. So, for those of us who are in wealthy countries, we may need to consider what we really need. But, even then does God promise us that we will not die from starvation? Does God promise us we will not contact some deadly cancer?

I think most of us know the answers to the questions asked thus far, as we all have loved ones who have died. Surely, we all realize innocent children die of starvation daily around the world. Innocent people were gassed during the Holocaust. Would they have been spared if only they prayed? We need to consider how this reality impacts our relationship with God. What exactly does God promise us? I have written elsewhere on this website about “Why Bother To Pray.”  Briefly, I believe we can certainly pray to God for any of our needs – jobs, food, or relationships. But, we must not jump to any conclusions that if our prayers are not answered in the way we wish, that God does not care or answer prayers. Just as in marriage, if desires become expectations we will be solely disappointed. Job appeared to get a tongue lashing from God as he seemed to suggest God doesn’t care if He doesn’t answers our prayers the way we think they should be. It was almost if God said to Job “you think you can better run a world where freedom has been given.” 

Ultimately, we must trust God can run a free world far better than us, and He always has our best interest in mind. But, I think God created the written Word and our brains so we might understand Him as well. The better we understand or not misunderstand those we are in relationships with, I believe the closer the intimacy. Does God really in Scriptures promise us our every physical need?  If He does, why wasn’t Jesus spared on the Cross after asking to have “this cup removed from Him?” Why were the apostles after Jesus’ resurrection beaten, persecuted and died as martyrs? Sometimes, Matthew 6:11 is referenced as we are advised by Jesus to pray to God for our daily bread. This passage doesn’t promise us a life without hardships or suggest God is a liar if our physical needs are not met. God doesn’t promise we might not starve to death. Jesus previously said we do not live on bread alone but every word that comes from the mouth of God. (Mt 4:4) In John 6:35 Jesus says “I am the bread of life, He who come to me will never go hungry.” God promises us eternal life, not temporary, physical life here on earth. God will always sustain us emotionally during these times, if we are in a relationship with Him.

Where in Scriptures though does God promise our physical needs will always be met? One would be hard press to find one passage that promises this. In this world God cannot guarantee daily physical needs without totally ridding the world of all evildoers who often are behind certain populations starving. We have to decide if we must have all our physical wants or desires in this world met, rather than the peace that passes all worldly understanding that comes with a personal relationship with our Creator no matter our circumstances. When your needs or desires are not answered in the way you think they ought to be, do you think God doesn’t care or do you stop blaming God and throw yourself in the hands of the One who loves you dearly and promises you what is really important here on earth and the hope of a better life after death.  

I certainly do not think God causes all suffering for some grand purpose, but it may be shortsighted to think it is always the wisest thing to interfere with suffering. Often, our suffering in a way that surpasses all human understanding is the only way we can get others to see what an awesome God we have.  Suffering, whether directly caused by evildoers or not, may be the only megaphone that can reach people about what really matters in life. Miracles only turned heads but not hearts. It may take a funeral and observing the loved ones of the deceased, for others to see the hope that is within Christians. Personally, we learn nothing when God makes us rich; we just fall in love with being rich which obvious doesn’t buy happiness. The suffering of Jesus is what really changed the world for good, not Him coming as a King or Ruler. God is an awesome God. God is a rational God who can be understood. God provides our every necessary need, if we enter into an intimate relationship with Him.

What Is God Really Like?

Every wonder if God knew that our world was going to end up the way it was, why He created in the first place? Or, why doesn’t God at least stop more suffering if He is going to allow people the freedom to choose right or right? How can a moral God create or allow someone to go to Hell? What is all this talk about God demanding we glorify Him? Isn’t this rather egotistical? How come there aren’t more miracles or does God promise Christians richness or health? If so, isn’t He failing on the job? According to the Old Testament, isn’t God a warmonger? Claiming Jesus is the only way, does that insult other religions?

Does the Bible say wives are to be subordinate or submissive to their husbands? Is so, isn’t this a concept for abuse? Come on, we know men! We all know if you give many men an inch, they will take a mile. Jesus seemed to encourage one to look to serve, not lead. Is God male? What is the big deal about sex before marriage? Is God a killjoy?  If these kind of questions interest you and you attention span is short, I dare you to go the God’s True Nature Category on this website and open the first link on that page titled Brief Questions and Answers about God’s True Nature and Character. Hopefully, this may lead to more in-depth reading on your own or other articles or books on this website.

Does God Promise Health Or Richness?

God makes no such guarantees or freedom would be a farce. Isn’t it true that many of our problems related to health or finances are either self-induced or in some counties caused by the abuse of power? Wouldn’t God need to interfere with such choices or override freedom to guarantee health and wealth? Because of freedom given by God from the beginning of time, God promises not a life without problems but His presence in this life and the hope of life one day where sin and evil will not prevail. God by allowing freedom could not guarantee we would never experience any problems. A person who believes that all their troubles will be swept away through a relationship with God is left with the logical conclusion that God has failed them. I am not sure what Bible teachers are smoking who teach this nonsense! Why don’t these false teachers take their message to those in extreme poverty or go to hospitals and heal the sick?

We cannot ignore the stories about the lives of the Old Testament prophets, Jesus, Paul, and the apostles. The Bible is abundantly clear that lack of faith is not the reason for physical ailments or economic hardships. God doesn’t promise us an instant escape from our problems. Someone once said: “God does not promise us a panacea, but He does promise us peace in the midst of life’s storms. With God’s peace, we can stand firm in distress, disease, destruction, and even death.”

Must We Always Forgive?

Does God forgive those who deny wrongdoing or don’t seek forgiveness? Does God command we forgive those who physically or sexually abuse us, yet show no remorse or even deny their actions when confronted? Where in Matthew 18 does it say when you go to a brother who has sinned against you and they refuse to listen, you should forgive them? Doesn’t it say if they don’t listen, throw them out of the church least they and others actually think they are spiritual?  But, Stephen forgave his stoners as they were stoning him, so might wisdom and discernment be needed in certain situations? Does the Bible suggest God performs some type of forgiveness ritual before condemning the evil to eternity without Him? Doesn’t the Bible teach God forgives those who desire his forgiveness, but mustn’t we be remorseful and seek God’s forgiveness with a desire to change? Isn’t forcing forgiveness on another person forcing God on them when obviously they do not seek such a relationship?

With forgiveness doesn’t it take two to tango? Mustn’t the innocent party be willing to forgive and the guilty party must recognize and confess their sin? Doesn’t easy forgiveness just encourage and enable the guilty to continue in their sinful ways to the harm of others? Aren’t amends important to acknowledge the seriousness of the situation and to make matters right for all parties impacted? When a child steals from their parents, isn’t this stealing from others than just the parents as this money may have been intended for siblings or others? Don’t we ignore the importance of justice to victims or encourage the victim to continue to be victimized when amends are not required?

In situations where the guilty are not remorseful, isn’t the challenge instead to not take revenge? Isn’t God better able to handle revenge without being vindictive? Isn’t the challenge to not allow bitterness to rule or interfere with life on a daily basis? What purpose does it serve to allow another person’s sins to continue to hold you hostage? Can the guilty really recognize their selfishness and change without recognizing the needs for amends? Doesn’t the Cross and Jesus’ violent death teach us there is always a price that must be paid when one sins? Or why then didn’t God just verbally forgive those who sought His forgiveness?

But, if one truly seek forgiveness, can one be a Christian and not forgive? Don’t people often only experience what God is like when they are forgiven though not deserving? Isn’t it true one can never really earn forgiveness? Can anyone really payback what they have taken from someone (i.e. childhood with appropriate parental love, sexual purity)? Do Christians forgive others because they deserve it or because God forgave us? But, isn’t confession an integral aspect of how we receive God’s grace?

Being A Dad

It really isn’t rocket science! It is a heck of a lot easier than some jobs, where it takes committees to instigate change. It is never okay to yell at another human being. When we screw up we must say sorry.  We must not take advantage of our position. God doesn’t; what gives us the right? If we are confronted with our immoral behavior, we must take responsibility and do whatever it takes to rebuild trust.

We must treat our kids the way we wish our parents had treated us when younger. When our children are young, we just need to spend time with them. They actually want us to.  We must figure out how to handle their childishness such as temper tantrums in a calm, effective manner. Learn what to discipline and how to discipline. Don’t sweat the small stuff. Quit bringing up stuff already dealt with. We must recognize we Dads do the same wrong stuff more than once, so show a little mercy and grace.

When our kids become teenagers, quite pissing them off. Quit controlling them. We must be real clear in our minds what is moral and take a stand. A lot of stuff we try to control isn’t moral. Teenagers need to start making most of their own decisions. Guide them to do so. They are less rebellious that way. We must not freak when they don’t agree with our opinions. It is a good thing if they feel comfortable disagreeing with us. You and the wife don’t agree on everything. Hopefully, you just work it out without yelling, demanding, and all those other behaviors we men do from time to time.

Do all of this and more and the kids might visit when grown, because there is a relationship.

If God Knew About Evil, Why Create?

Evil and suffering could only have been avoided if God had not created at all or at least not given humans the freedom to choose. God understood we might choose to abuse our freedom. That is a risk He took for the possibility of intimacy. Human parents do the same all the time. We bring children into the world hoping they will want to reciprocate our love, but they will have a choice to do otherwise. I don’t think God necessarily knew what choices Adam and Even would make, but He was prepared for every eventuality. God doesn’t stop being God because He doesn’t know a future that hasn’t happened yet. The future is not necessarily fixed in God’s eyes. But, even if God knew ahead of time what choices Adam and Eve would have and the possible ripple effect that would have, I still think from a parental viewpoint that the good with the bad is worth it. God is not going to let a few bad apples spoil the relationships He has with many people such as Billy Graham, Mother Theresa, and millions of others.

Did God Know Adam And Eve Would Sin?

Did God plan or know Adam and Eve were going to sin? Genesis 6: 5-6 says: “The LORD saw how great man’s wickedness on the earth had become, and that every inclination of the thoughts of his heart was only evil all the time. The LORD was grieved that he had made man on the earth, and his heart was filled with pain.”  Some theists have suggested, based on their interpretation of certain biblical passages, that God actually preordained evil and the fall of man before it actually happened, but that would make this passage seem nonsensical and overly dramatic by the writers if they understand this to be true. Why would God grieve something He had intended all along as part of His plan? Do God’s predetermined actions grieve Him?

Not only did God not plan or foreordain sin, God not having foreknowledge of an unknown future seems to give more integrity to passages that speak of God grieving, relenting, giving another chance, etc. Is a fixed future required from a biblical viewpoint? If God already knows what someone is going to do, one can legitimately ask if there is genuine freedom. Are they truly free to do anything different? Traditionalists may argue that passages such as Genesis 6 teach God was aware of what had changed and chose to act emotionally in accordance with the new situation. We know our loved ones are going to die with certainty, but we still have feelings when that day comes. If the future can be known, we can say God grieves because man either sins or obeys and this still can impact God at the moment.

We could say God knows what is going to happen but still engages with us; it simply is harder to relate to. But, we do not have to argue God knows the unknowable to somehow protect His character. God can still be omniscient (all knowing) and not know the future, if the future is not fixed. God does know what is knowable. He even knows what we are thinking. He is superior to humans in knowing all the possibilities of decisions that can be made by others and fully prepared for what He will do. Too, God knows what He will do regardless of human decisions, such as the miraculous birth of Jesus. It seems to me it  can be argued the biblical writers did not know anything about the future being predetermined or known, when we read passages such as Genesis 6.

Is God Secretive About His Will For Us?

Many Christians worry about what God’s will is for their life, which can provoke a great deal of anxiety. If God does not speak audibly, Christians naturally wonder what future decisions to make: what schools to attend, what careers to pursue, who to marry, etc. The question must be asked: Does God have one specific script for us to follow?

The Bible speaks to following God’s moral will and not an individual, specific will. Proverbs 3:5-6 says trust in God, lean not on our own understanding, acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight. This passage suggests following God’s moral will discussed throughout Proverbs and the Bible and you will be on the right path from the Creator’s viewpoint. Regarding such a major decision as marriage, the Bible only suggests a believer not marry an unbeliever for practical reasons. (2 Corinthians 6:14-16) Otherwise, which God will the children follow? The Bible never suggests there is only one man a woman must discover to marry to be in God’s will. Paul advises a widow “But if her husband dies, she is free to marry anyone she wishes, but he must belong to the Lord.” (I Corinthians 7:39b) In fact, in 1 Corinthians 7 Paul suggests individuals must make a wise decision about whether to marry based on their circumstances at that time. Paul does not condemn whichever choice is made.

There are of course times in the Bible that God did have a specific will for a person but God made this crystal clear through visions or an audible voice. Paul, on the road to Damascus, was advised by audible voice God’s desire for him (Acts 9:4). God needed Paul to play a significant role in presenting the Gospel to the Gentiles. God wanted it understood His promise of salvation were for all nations, that the Jewish nation was only a vessel to carry out this magnificent Plan. But, there were thousands of other decisions in a believer’s life in biblical times where there was no hint Christ’s followers had to worry about missing His will in their life. The Bible is explicit about God’s moral will but does not imply there is a specific individual will in the day-to-day lives of believers.

God does not somehow lose control because our lives do not follow a specific script. God wants us to pursue the desires of our hearts. Sometimes, those choices depend on the circumstances at the time. If we seek to make the wisest choice we can based on biblical wisdom, our desires and gifts, and the counsel of others, a loving God will not fail to lead us to “a” right decision. Unless moral, there is not “the” right decision. We do not serve a God who keeps His desires hidden from His children. Many “Godly” paths can be chosen while still remaining entirely within God’s will. You just can’t go wrong!

Why Isn’t God More Audible or Visible?

Most would admit they have never heard the voice of God or experienced his physical presence in anyway. This is certainly my experience. This experience no more indicates our lack of faith than lack of health or richness suggests unfaithfulness. God’s presence and miracles were prevalent in Old Testament times. God showed Himself in mighty ways to the Israelites through the plagues, digesting the miracle of manna in their bellies while wandering in the wilderness, and crossing the Red Sea onto dry ground. God’s visibility and directness didn’t cause the Israelites to choose rightly. Would any other nation act differently?

Jesus’ miracles attracted crowds but rarely encouraged long-term faithfulness. Humans have short attention spans. Constant miracles do not lead to changed lives. Why has God withdrawn audible and physically? Why is it necessary we live much more by faith than sight?

We ask God to help us find a partner, to get us a certain job, to cure our sickness. There is nothing wrong with these prayers, but we need to try to understand God’s perspective. God not answering our prayer our way may be the best way to run the universe with the desires He has to change the world. Once a prayer is answered, we often only go back to independency rather than a deeper dependency on God. Often, the only times we cry out to God are during times of suffering. When things are going well we practically ignore God, which only leads to a self-centered lifestyle to the harm of others. What’s a God to do?

The supernatural peace God can give one during suffering may be the only way we can attract others to our God. It may take a funeral and observing the loved ones of the deceased, for others to see the hope that Christians have. Suffering, whether directly caused by evildoers or not, may be the only megaphone that can reach people about what really matters in life. The truth of the matter is suffering, not pleasures, is what changes lives.  Similarly, God and Jesus removing themselves may be the only way to create life-changing dependency. Seeing does not always lead to believing. We may have to believe in order to see.