This is the first time I am responding to the below post written 6/22/25 when a tumor was found in my brain. See update after initial Post below. I still have brain cancer. The tumor was removed but I still get brain scans that the tumor is not back growing. I am done with radiation and chemo treatment for the next 6 months but who knows after that. For some reason the initial diagnosis of the MRI that you have a tumor in your head didn’t freak me out. I just went in death-mood preparation. I don’t have scan freak-outs that I get every 2-3 months (maybe because I take a zanax), but I am too aware that brain cancer could come back and decisions will have to be made. I don’t know if I want to go through chemo again or whatever.
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Long story short 6/22/25
On April 15, 2025 my tennis partner, who is a Doctor, sensed I was off. (More than usual). I typically walk home after the match, but he insisted in driving me home and that I see my regular Doctor. I am so thankful for his urging. I saw my Doctor a day or two later and an MRI was scheduled. Within hours I got a call that I had a tumor in my brain. I had very few symptoms before except minor headaches that I thought nothing of. I was ready to play a third set of tennis that day but my buddies said no. Guess I was acting off/weird. Within days of the MRI, I was scheduled for brain surgery to remove the tumor (April 21). I spent those few days preparing my family, not knowing if I would make it out of the surgery alive or have motor skills severely damaged. Things went very well in terms of the tumor being removed (cancer still remains), The tumor was a severe cancer type. So, I begin chemo/radiation treatment shortly after for 6 weeks. I’m in my last week of 6 weeks of treatment.
No, God didn’t CAUSE my tumor!
I hope no one thinks God caused this tumor to teach me a lesson for my sins. I ain’t no saint but I’m kinder than most folks. I have friends who will verify. I know some selfish/evil people that are cancer free. I refuse to believe a loving God using tragedies to punish or teach one a lesson and we remain clueless reasons for such actions. Besides, that assumes God is simply pulling strings to control events in the world. Did God cause this for a greater good. I doubt it. God can’t control how I will react to a tragedy in my life. I could be pissed at God and no good comes of it. Some claim all evil eventually leads to good as if some grand plan by God. Not my God! Ask sexual abuse victims or family members of murdered loved ones if good always comes out of evil.
Or it is claimed we sinners have no right to question a Holy God. I have a God I can doubt, question, get angry with, whatever. That is what a loving parent/God is like. How do I know this? I have been a child of a parent and a parent of children. Why would a Creator create us to have intuitions of what true love is (allowing a child to question) but not be loving themself?
See Does God Really Punish Or We Just Reap What We Sow? Assuming God is in control of punishment makes a mockery of freedom. It is an oxymoron to claim God in in complete control and we human have freedom. If God does actively punish and carry out wrath, God is letting a whole lot of evil in the world slide. God doesn’t love more those spared than those supposedly punished.
Does God Really Allow Cancer?
It is claimed a mystery how God can allow evil but not be evil. Humans don’t get a free pass if they can stop evil but don’t. Ask sexual abuse victims when their parent knew and did nothing. One might ask why God allows such harm if supposedly all-powerful. Thinking God is all-powerful (thus all-controlling) assumes God can pull strings to make certain things happen (allow). So much for genuine freedom? See God Can’t Stop Your Suffering And Evil!
Thankfully, I don’t entertain such a view of God which has helped having a positive view during all this, though I have many miles to travel in my journey. My silent friend (God), along with family and friends have been a life-saver. You have a lot of internal conversations when waiting for brain surgery or going through cancer. When one believes “God allows” your mind can wander. Why me and not others (is God’s love arbitrary – if God can supposedly control everything), what lesson is God trying to teach me. I never had to go there. I am convinced God isn’t all-powerful.
If we maintain that God limits their Power, this suggests God can do something but doesn’t. We must come up with a better explanation that God simply allows – thus controls – evils but isn’t responsible for such evils. A God who can prevent evil but doesn’t is counter-intuitive to love. No loving parent or God sits idly by when they could prevent tragedies such as rape or murder. Are we to believe God doesn’t care, God is punishing us, or God has abandoned us and left us clueless about the grand plan? God doesn’t just allow your suffering!
God may not be all powerful
It is only natural to believe a Supreme Being, if they exist, is all powerful. Most Christians believe this because of their understanding of the Bible taught in churches they attend but questions arise if God is all-powerful. If God can control everything, why doesn’t God intervene more in medical emergencies, rape, physical abuse, etc. A miracle supposedly saved Trump but not the gentlemen in the front row. I doubt it. God doesn’t pick and choose when to cause or allow suffering.
God can’t be all-powerful if all-loving. Perfect love isn’t controlling. Ask any adult child with a controlling parent. Thomas Oord in his new book defends ably that the Bible doesn’t necessarily claim God is all-powerful and can do anything. See here. God can’t tempt others (Jas. 1:13). It makes no sense to say God can exert all power and creatures can exert some power. I have never understood why God doesn’t stop evil if God can do anything. If “everything happens for a reason” because of God, this would make God responsible for all goodness and all evil. It is claimed a mystery how God can cause or allow evil but not be evil. This isn’t true for humans. Some claim all evil eventually leads to good as if some grand plan by God. Hardly!
What about prayer and miracles?
Many prayers asking for healing are obviously not answered. Are miracles arbitrary – God picking and choosing to bless some and not others? Conditions in our body may not always be right. Various biological and environmental factors are involved such as cells, organs, etc. If God wouldn’t take away your human freedom, it may not be a stretch to say God has to account for natural freedom as well. Miracles can happen when God’s uncontrolling love aligns with countless factors known and not known. God surely intervenes when circumstances will allow. Pray if you like, but God is already working to do all God can to prevent suffering. That’s what perfect Love does! See Why God Doesn’t Answer My Prayers?
I am convinced God is always seeking to intervene when possible. Pray for miracles, but don’t assume God can answer our prayers but doesn’t for some unknown reason. God suffers with us, but the unfortunate truth in a free world is suffering happens, though God is dying to help. We can pray but be more understanding when God can’t answer our prayers. Pray to God for emotional support and encouragement in difficult times. My silent Friend has gotten me through some difficult times when my brain begins to wander.
Did God really choose the Holocaust by not responding, including senseless suffering to children in the world?
Do you read the Bible Edwards?
I believe we should assume the Bible isn’t inspired by God. We can’t prove the Bible is or isn’t inspired by God. Besides, the Bible is literature that requires interpretation and we don’t all agree on the correct interpretation even concerning moral issues such as if God condemns gays or not. Many assume inspiration means God approved or controlled all recorded by the writers, especially characterizations of God. Many don’t think of inspiration as meaning that God encouraged or motivated writers/editors to record their understanding of God, thus possible being right or wrong.
See here all my rants on the Bible and why we need to rethink our understanding of the Bible.
So, what good is God?
The only God worth believing in or having a relationship with must be a perfect Lover. God can’t be all-powerful or controlling and be true to God’s nature. Thomas Jay Oord in his books says that so many positive elements can come from affirming a universal, divine Lover. Such a Spirit empowers, inspires, and accompanies us in our relationships with others. God knows and empathizes with us in our suffering. This is what I have experienced. God obviously grieves due to all the evil in the world. God suffered when Jesus was crucified. God suggested through Jesus’ example and words what kind of life lived here on earth can make for a much grander world. My relationship with God, though a silent friend, has carried me so far.
My future
I thought initially that surgery and removing the tumor out of my brain was my greatest danger, when discovered I had a tumor. Thus, why I tried to prepare the family and get financial house in order, as I thought I might not be back. Turns out most don’t die on the surgery table. Motor and physical skills can be damaged, which I didn’t realize as much, but I had a great surgeon. I was only in hospital two days after brain surgery, had brain fog for a week (you had to have 5 PHDs to understand my texts), but I felt pretty good after a week. It does help to be retired. I began radiation and chemo therapy for 6 weeks. So far, no nausea, I can handle the tiredness because I was very active before tumor. I get tired – I get moving. Sitting makes me more tired. My stamina affected but I can change some of my habits to hopefully see my grandchildren become teenagers. I am a cool POPS. I didn’t have a relationship with my grandparents, so I want to get it right as I did as a parent when I had children.
I am walking on the average 2-3 miles a day. Playing tennis two days a week. But, 5 weeks of great fortune with treatment doesn’t guarantee the next week of treatment and thereafter. And it takes some weeks after treatment to recover from tiredness, etc. So the journey ain’t over! I will have an MRI August 6th, a month after treatment to see how much treatment was successful with the cancer. Even if very successful I may be prone to seizers and other medical matters down the road. I could live a year but some with my type of cancer live 10 years or more. We will see. Thank God for God, family, and my friends. Peace!
February 25, 2026 – Update of my brain cancer journey
I have mainly written this journey to hopefully help some suffering and disappointed with God. What we have been told about God may not always be true. This is the first time I am responding to the above post written 6/22/25 when a tumor was found in my brain. I still have brain cancer. The tumor was removed but I still get brain scans every 2-3 months that the tumor is not back growing. I am done with radiation and chemo treatment for the next 6 months but who knows after that. For some reason the initial diagnosis of the MRI that you have a tumor in your head didn’t freak me out. I don’t have scan freak-outs (maybe because I take a zanax), but I am too aware that brain cancer could come back and what decisions have to be made. I don’t know if I want to go through chemo again or whatever.
Spiritually speaking, I know God didn’t cause or allow this. See above. God and I are good thanks goodness. God has been my biggest comfort through this journey as well as my amazing partner Janet. And I have amazing kids, I can talk and share with God with all my thoughts without feeling that God doesn’t care by allowing/cause my cancer. I happen to believe God is the perfect lover. I am free to speculate what that means. Basically – how I should love others like I want to be loved. How I wish to be loved and know how I should love others is how God loves!
Future fears – honestly, this second leg of my journey has been more challenging. I have had a few setbacks but not like having head split open and possibly coming back brain damaged. I got a skin disorder (bullous pemphigold) and a mild case of shingles from treatment. Going through infusion treatment. I got a low blood count making me susceptible to infections but good to go. I gained weight and knees hurt, but still walking for recovering. Tennis by choice has taken a back seat.
If you sit down and talk to me and ask questions, I may be even more open. I am not sure I will handle this second journey better than the first. I am told I have been a good patient with the initial news -fake it till you make it! I’ve been told it helped being so active and healthy. What may not be so visible is my understanding of God and my amazing wife and children.
But we will see what the future holds. I know God, Janet, and kids will be there for me.
Peace = Mike
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