Imagine if we could get people to act rational when disagreeing. If it is unreasonable for a dyad to agree on everything, we surely can’t expect citizens to always agree. The rules of relationships aren’t complicated, just hard to do because we humans struggle to be unselfish. That is a plug for a Creator who wishes to empower us to mutually act in the best interest of one another. We often treat our friends by common sense rules, but the gloves come off in married or political life.
We have to accept that disagreeing is normal.
If only someone had told me early in marriage that love didn’t mean your partner would eventually always agree with you. It seems childish now but I just wasn’t prepared for 24/7 living where differences abound. Frustration set in when I realized just how many differences there were. But, now I have a new mind-set and strategy. It was easy to lose sight that I had married Janet for her heart and looks. Just like in politics a difference of opinion isn’t wrong or disrespectful.
We have to learn to respond not react over our differences.
It isn’t always easy to accept that the best friend you married doesn’t agree and even disagrees on your solution to bring peace. The reason that you don’t have such intense conflicts with others friends is because you don’t live with them. Share finances, closets, bathrooms, children, etc., and challenges will come to your doorstep. Our first instinct is to react. But, we respond politely to our friends and it helps when others are around as witnesses. We actually let friends finish their sentences and we might even politely smile to encourage discussion. Just like in politics we owe all people the respect of listening and not overreacting.
We have to have of rules for war – I mean conflict.
Some things are tough to hear. Your partner doesn’t agree your weekend passion is always the best option when kids don’t have a structured environment. What the hell! Your partner doesn’t agree to purchases you believe are wise investments for the future. Your partner doesn’t agree how to respond to the kids and worse reacts like your parents use to. Raising voices, name-calling, etc. doesn’t get you any closer to a solution. I assume readers know physical violence is off the table in any relationship unless protecting yourself from danger. Just like in politics if we can’t be civil we best stop discussions until we get our wits together.
We have to solve our differences creatively.
Solve your differences like you do in your other relationships. Just thank God you don’t have to live with them! See what aspects of each person’s view can be incorporated into a new view on matters. Imagine what advice you would give a friend to solve a similar problem. Experiment with different solutions before deciding. Democratic nations have no excuse as we have the privilege to vote on our differences. Just like in politics compromise sometimes is necessary.
We have to accept and learn to be happily incompatible.
Laws can advise you to not speed but not require helping strangers in need. Unless you married the Devil and not your best friend in the beginning, cut them some slack. You may need some “rope” when you face difficult times. Stop criticizing and look for areas you agree on. Actions speak louder than words – stop asking “why” and ask “what” you can do to gain some positive momentum. Don’t give up easily especially when children are involved. Just like in politics relationships stop working when people don’t accept differences and engage in physical or emotional abuse.
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