What God May Really Be Like – Misbeliefs About God

How The Heck Do You Parent Well?

Warning parents – Words of advice to your kids don’t nearly matter as much as your behaviors/actions. It determines if kids want to be like you and even if your kids like you. Good luck if you are the kind of parent that says “do as I say, not what I do.” Parenting is thousands of actions to do and avoid. It can help though to have a general plan to guide you. I will list several actions at the end to think about, but mainly I am going to suggest firm but gentle parenting is the key. I parented three kids who are now in their thirties. Looking back, I didn’t always succeed but I tried. Perfect parenting doesn’t even guarantee perfect kids, but I got lucky. You would be proud to call my kids your own.

What is firm parenting? 

Firm parenting basically is not constantly moving the bar regarding expectations. Your “no” must mean “no.” Don’t make the kids guess how to please or respect you. Good parenting looks for ways to say yes rather than no all the time, just because you are tired of the challenges of parenting. My biggest “no” was you will treat your sibling the same way I am expected to treat your Mom. That means no yelling at or putting your hands on each other when upset. If you are a parent with more than one child, you know this is an almost daily challenge when they are young. If you are saying no all the time, consider what actions you want to major on and go from there.

What is gentle parenting? 

One can be firm but gentle. If a kid is running out in the street without looking, all rules off. Yell at the top of your lungs and take action. But most misbehaviors don’t require such a reaction. Have you noticed kids are exhausting and exasperating! For some reason they don’t come into the world wanting to behave most of the time. Use a firm but not loud voice to state the expectation. If they don’t listen remove them from the scene of the crime. Spanking was not an option for me as a parent. It stifled creative discipline that is more effective. No, my kids didn’t end up in prison. 

Lots of other actions 

The challenges of parenting is unbelievable. You have to monitor screen time, you have to monitor that snacks aren’t the main meal, you have to be concerned how kids these days are treating one another when no one is looking, etc. Here are a few personal parenting actions I think can help:

• Put the marriage first over the kids. Do stuff with your partner alone and communicate in words your partner is your first commitment. Kids will benefit in the long-run. I sucked at this!
• Be present in the moment and not distracted. Kids are boring when younger. Quite thinking what you aren’t getting done and be with them.
• False praise isn’t good but unexpressed gratitude toward the kids is the same as ingratitude
• Spanking is not necessary as stifles creative discipline that is more effective
• Pick your battles when appropriate to say “no” and mean it. Now that you are an adult, “what do you wish your parents had said ‘no’ to and minor on the rest? Stop changing the goalposts
• Discipline doesn’t always have to be immediate. You might come up with a better idea later. Let the kid wonder
• Knows the stages of parenting. See here.
• Insist the siblings treat one another like they want to be treated. NO bullying in this house either between mom and dad or siblings
• Controlling love is an oxymoron. As they get older (age debatable), kids need to be allowed to make their own decisions and suffer the consequences if necessary. Give choices and let them follow their own dreams not the parent’s dreams
• One last personal thing men – when we dated we tended to hold doors including the car, and other actions that conveyed love. I wish I had never stop holding the car door despite children. I am back in the habit for years unless hot as hell in the car and the wife wish I get the AC going first before they get in. The wife doesn’t always love this new habit, but I ain’t changing
• Want more suggestions? See here.

Oh yea, this is a spiritual blog! 

One can be a great parent despite not believing in God or have a relationship with God. No excuses! I am bias. God’s influence in my life has made me a better husband, parent, and friend. I am convinced God loves me the same way I desire deep down to be known for loving others and my children. I have written before how and what a relationship with God is like – What Is The Greatest Advantage Believing In God If So Inclined? Consider all the human and spiritual help you need to be the very best parent you can be.

Click on FOLLOW at bottom right of this page to enter email address to be notified of future Posts. No other unrelated emails will be sent. Go to About/Using This Site tab at top of page or Menu on phones to help navigate this Site. I also blog at http://donewithreligion.com If you wish to discuss anything I have written, you can email me at medwar2@gmail.com  

What Is Jesus Really Advising On The Sermon On The Mount?

Non-church goers may have never heard of Jesus’ most popular sermon (Matthew 5-7). I was listening to a sermon on this familiar passage by a very reasonable, respected pastor. I thought as I listened how some individuals may come away disheartened that God isn’t empathetic toward their circumstances. Sometimes passages need to be nuanced to explain how certain advice may not be applicable to their situation. We have to discern when Jesus was using hyperbole for emphasis without stating exceptions.

²² But I tell you that anyone who is angry with a brother or sister will be subject to judgment. 

• Jesus wasn’t condemning all kinds of anger, or why then would Jesus call out religious hypocrites – “you blind fools” (Mt 23:17)? Sounds angry to me! Not all anger is the same. There is righteous anger. I would preach anger in general can get us in trouble, but there are always individual circumstances where God is mad as Hell as you are. Discern if your angry is what Jesus is addressing.

²³ “Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother or sister has something against you,²⁴ leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to them; then come and offer your gift.

• It is hard to be right with God if not right with others if reconciliation is possible and you know you are clearly in the wrong. But Jesus certainly didn’t always seek out the Pharisees to smooth things over. This passage may be encouraging us to reconcile with those that we know we have sinned against. We should try to make it right. If someone has sinned against you, that is on them. Be open to reconciliation if they approach you and seem sincere.

²⁷ “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’^[e]28 But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.

• No contextual or interpretation problems here. Adultery and other sins have a beginning – often beginning in the heart or mind. Find a way to shut it down. It is never worth it!

³⁹ But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also.⁴⁰ And if anyone wants to sue you and take your shirt, hand over your coat as well. ⁴¹ If anyone forces you to go one mile, go with them two miles. ⁴² Give to the one who asks you, and do not turn away from the one who wants to borrow from you.

• I think speakers should always clarify they aren’t advocating women stay silent at the abusive hands of men or other abusive situations. Jesus surely is advising not responding evil with evil, not that one can’t protect themselves. The context is “not an eye for an eye.” In war if the enemy rapes and beheads, don’t respond in the same way. But, evil is real and may require protection and killing. I think Jesus was trying to get people to look for ways to change hearts in certain situations. Seek justice when appropriate not revenge.

⁴³ “You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor^[i] and hate your enemy.’ ⁴⁴ But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you,

• Preachers often bring up what Jesus said on the Cross – “God forgive them for they don’t know what they are doing.” Maybe Jesus’ persecutors didn’t know that Jesus was really who He claimed to be. Still, I admit if I was Jesus I would have hopped off the Cross and kicked their ass with miraculous powers. Does a father who sexually abuses his child not know what they are doing? We mustn’t speak as if every situation is the same!

What is Jesus’ message to you?

Honestly, I don’t know what God would advise in your situation. Try to be open to God’s influence. One may not seek reconciliation with a friend who refuses to admit any wrongdoing. Cutting them off could lead to better reflection. The Apostle Paul in one situation said “Expel the wicked person from your perspective” (I Cor 5:1-13). Isolation can bring one to their moral senses. Every situation is different. Read the Bible to discern for yourselves, perhaps with the help of friends, what the application is in your difficult circumstances. Consider how to go the extra mile. Consider what actions might possibly lead to reconciliation or change in hearts if others open.

Click on FOLLOW at bottom right of this page to enter email address to be notified of future Posts. No other unrelated emails will be sent. Go to About/Using This Site tab at top of page or Menu on phones to help navigate this Site. I also blog at http://donewithreligion.com If you wish to discuss anything I have written, you can email me at medwar2@gmail.com  

Why Do We Censor Different Opinions Than Ours?

I assume most are aware of efforts to censor or quash contrary opinions. In the Religion arena, the word Heretic is thrown around against those who don’t agree that God condemns gays, that men are leaders of women in the marriage relationship, that Hell is a fiery, tortuous destiny, etc. Do their accusers not understand the Bible is ancient literature subject to interpretation, and biblical scholars don’t agree. The same actions have become more obvious in the political/science arena. People with contrary opinions to certain policies are called racists, conspirators, or misinformers. We must challenge those who censor as oppose to winning the debate in the public arena.

Acknowledging freedom and uncertainty are critical to leading us forward 

Freedom of ideas are what separate democratic societies from dictatorships. Freedom is often quashed because individuals claim certainty in their beliefs. Christians leaders condemn gays in God’s name because the Bible says so, and demands others believe as they do. They don’t consider they may be wrong. See here.  Climate experts don’t agree with the narrative concerning climate change. Claiming certainty rather than defending one’s position is not how a democracy works. One must have the freedom to make their own decisions when there is uncertainty. Religion and science are playing God (Superior) in the lives of others by claiming they know the truth and we are too stupid to decide for ourselves!

The benign reason for censorship is one believes they are right for the good of all 

It doesn’t matter if you think you are right and doing what is best for the good of the land. Certainty is an illusion unless taking about universal moral sins such as rape or incest. Try claiming certainty in your personal relationships. If married you are probably headed toward divorce. Most decisions are not black and white and require open debate by those in authority. One must have the freedom to decide what is the best decision for themselves, or the powerful rule the powerless.

The nefarious reason why others censor others. 

One may not oppose censoring activities for fear losing security (their livelihood) because they disagree with the popular, uncertain narrative. In politics differing with the popular opinion might not lead to reelection. Pastors risk being kicked out of the pulpit. It is morally wrong to shut down disagreement. I am convinced racism is evil (that blacks are an inferior race), but I must be open to debating those who disagree. I like my chances of winning the argument with others.

One though may actively censor the opinions of others for control and power over others. Control and power can have financial benefits. Losing the argument in the public arena may lead to loss of power or position. Control and power flourish when others are not allowed to discuss alternative opinions in the public arena. One way to judge one’s motive is by demanding answers as to why refusing debate. If one is sure they are right for the good of all, why fear convincing others? It was questioned if the Covid shots stopped infection and transmission, so to not enforce mandates. Turns out they were right. Supposed truth-tellers insisted on protecting grandma. They were wrong. Truth must win in the arena of debate so one has freedom of choice in the land of uncertainty.

Actions

• If many disagree with your opinion, be openminded. Consider why you are afraid to defend your belief if you supposedly know the “truth”

• It is more important to protect one’s freedom to choose when the possibility exist you could be wrong

• If church leadership calls those who disagree with their view of God heretics, challenge them or leave. They can’t even prove God exist. This is a personal, freedom decision

• If politicians support censorship or label those who disagree with them as misinformers, vote them out. Why believe their view if they can’t defend their views for the supposed good of the world?

• When we stop censoring or labeling others as heretics or conspiracists, we may come to a decision best for the good of most

Click on FOLLOW at bottom right of this page to enter email address to be notified of future Posts. No other unrelated emails will be sent. Go to About/Using This Site tab at top of page or Menu on phones to help navigate this Site. I also blog at http://donewithreligion.com If you wish to discuss anything I have written, you can email me at medwar2@gmail.com  

Why Can’t We Discuss Our Political, Science, Or Religious Differences?

Our world seems so divided. Christians often label others heretics if they don’t believe there is a literal Hell or that God doesn’t condemns gays. Hardly a conversation starter. Science seems to have followed in Religion’s footsteps. Those who question if Covid shots are as safe and effective as claimed are labeled anti-vaxers, though they may have gotten the flu vaccine for years. In politics opponents are labeled a racist or conspiracist without proof. If you avoid discussions when others aren’t acting irrational, I would love to hear your thoughts as to why. My email is at the end.

Why Christians may suck at discussing differences

I will use myself as an example unfortunately. It’s not meant to be an excuse. I believed decades ago that God condemned gays though they could no more control their attractions than straights. I was wrong. See here.  I used to believe God sent those who didn’t have the right kind of faith while here on earth to a fiery, torturous afterlife. I was wrong. See here.  I am convinced the only reason I believed as I did was because of my understanding of the Bible. How could I be devoted to God if I didn’t follow the Bible’s teachings? Christians may not listen to different beliefs because they assume their interpretation or a biblical writer’s understanding of God is right. Stay openminded!

How we discuss our opinions is important 

We often are busy thinking we are right and preparing our response than listening. There are obvious reasons to avoid discussions with certain people. It is difficult to talk to others if they don’t control their emotions or convey they are right and you are wrong. We can’t have discussions with those who are rude or close-minded. But disagreements are normal in relationships. We can’t always prove what we believe is true about God. We can’t claim without debate if Covid shots or all the childhood vaccines are as safe as claimed. We can’t claim without debate if our climate control measures are best for the most human flourishing. But there may be deeper reasons why we avoid discussions with those who have different beliefs.

Societal influences can discourage discussion

News or information outlets one listen’s to may only report one viewpoint for whatever reason and imply other views are conspiracy. It is best to be aware of both sides of a different belief to decide for yourself. Church leadership often imply contra views to their own are heresy. Threats of being excommunicated, censored by authorities, or losing your job are real. The solution is for all to be free to discussion opinions openly without threats. If you know the “truth,” why be afraid to defend your view!

Most humans desire to integrate with a group, get along with its members, and benefit from them. The loner must fend for themselves. Both disagreeing with the perceived popular science narrative or disagreeing with church leadership about God’s character can lead to isolation or being ostracized.  Being your own person is a tough business. Thriving societies must support individuals being allowed to form their own opinions when universal agreement isn’t obvious. Misinformation isn’t opinions that don’t agree with your own. You may end up being wrong!

The fear of uncertainty can discourage discussion

Certainty rather than uncertainty is more comforting psychologically. One may believe what seems to be the popular narrative because unknowing can create confusion or anxiety. One can avoid anxiety by not discussing their beliefs with others who believe differently. I imagine most Leaders prefer being seen as knowing (certain) than not knowing (uncertain). For one to question a main belief they have been taught in church all their life, such as if Hell is real, can create anxiety about what other beliefs may be in question. Questioning if the Covid shots are as safe and effective if we have gotten the shots, can raised anxiety about our health. What if we pushed others to get the shots and we end up wrong? There may be an easy out. We sometimes trust those in authority, but we may come to realize such trust was misplaced.

What are the consequences of avoiding uncertainty?

The science often changes with further investigation. Many religious beliefs are subject to interpretation of a Book. That is why there are thousands of denominations with their own creeds. Certainty, not uncertainty, can lead others astray if one is wrong. Also, when only one side is presented, control and power grow intentionally or unintentionally. It should be intuitive denying diverse opinions is unloving and controlling. Most don’t except such behaviors in their personal relationships. A refusal to openly discuss or defend one’s views is a denial of personal choice and suggests an unhealthy dependency on “certainty.” Relax! Universal truths exist. What religion denies the main thing – to love and treat others like you want to be treated.

There can be nefarious reasons for preventing discussions 

The most benign explanation for censoring the opinions of others is not necessarily the fear of losing power as much as the fear of losing security (one’s livelihood). In my counseling career, I often questioned the narrative concerning psychotropic medications. A client is owed a discussion of both the risks and benefits of such an intervention for mental healthiness. I didn’t always share my opinion with psychiatrists in charge. I don’t fear conflict. But I am sure I feared potential loss of a job because I was in the minority and low on the totem pole. In politics differing with the perceived popular opinion might not lead to reelection. Pastors risk being kicked out of the pulpit.

The more evil explanation for censoring the opinions of others is one’s desire for control and power over others. Control and power also have financial benefits. Control and power flourish when others are not allowed to discuss alternative opinions in the public arena. Many may fear liability if they admit they are wrong and participated in thwarting discussion. One way to judge one’s motive is by demanding answers as to why one is refusing debate. If you are so sure you are right, why do you fear convincing others? Religion and science are playing God (Superior) in the lives of others by claiming they know the truth and we are too stupid to decide for ourselves!

What is truth?

Openminded people accept they may be wrong. We are more likely to be right when there seems to be almost universal agreement on the topic of concern. Most don’t defend rape, or physical or sexual abuse. Adultery isn’t wrong only in the eyes of the betrayer. But rational people do not agree on matters such as immigration policies, climate policies, marijuana legalization, if God condemns gays, if God inspired all of the Bible, etc. We must be willing to defend our views among one another rather than shut down those we disagree with. Those fortunate enough to live in a democratic society must accept the vote of the majority when comes to law setting. You can still defend your position in hopes of a future vote. May the best, most common-sense position win.

Love surely is the path forward to healthy discussions and debates 

My co-blogger rightly suggest love is the path forward. See here. We can strive to be the better person in conversation. But we have every right to oppose those who refuse to accept uncertainty and fight fairly. This can be done civilly but lack of freedom of speech is important for future generations. Leaders must be held accountable to be open-minded than certain. In our personal lives, we can try to engage with those who insist on certainty when it doesn’t exist but in time one may need to move on. We can stop labeling those who disagree with our biblical interpretations as heretics. We can stop calling those who disagree with our views of science or politics as conspiracists. Imagine how different as a people we would be if religious, science, and political folks talked openly for the common goal of pursing the greater good!

Click on FOLLOW at bottom right of this page to enter email address to be notified of future Posts. No other unrelated emails will be sent. Go to About/Using This Site tab at top of page or Menu on phones to help navigate this Site. I also blog at http://donewithreligion.com If you wish to discuss anything I have written, you can email me at medwar2@gmail.com  

Why Bother Telling Others About God If All Going To Heaven?

In theological circles, arguments are made that a belief in Universalism (all are going to be saved any way and go to heaven after death) makes evangelism (encouraging others to have a relationship with God) pointless. I wrote about Universalism here.  There are biblical and moral reasons to argue for the possibility that all will be eventually saved in this life or in the life after death. I am not convinced such a belief makes influencing others toward God a wasted endeavor.

First of all Hell as a reason for faith is doubtful

I wrote that Hell (a place of forever punishment) is doubtful biblically and even morally from a loving God. See here.   See here.  The institutional church often teaches that God’s main mission is to save us from hell, so we could go to heaven after death here on earth. All we have to do is say a prayer: “Thank you Jesus for dying on the cross for my sins. Please forgive me. I receive You as my Lord and Savior. Help me to live for you.” I can find no place in the Bible where Jesus advised such a prayer or demanded certain confessions to follow Him. The threat of Hell can’t possibly lead to a genuine relationship with God. Who wouldn’t just say the prayer to avoid torture?

Why then encourage others to consider faith in God here on earth? 

The Bible seems to suggest God seeks to empower us to be the unselfish people we deep down desire to be. Jesus sought to inspire others to seek God’s help in loving others for the good of the world. Jesus simply commended Zacchaeus for recognizing a journey necessary to avoid personal destruction because of sin. Salvation is not a future destination but a currently reality (Lk 19).  Jesus told the woman who had committed adultery: “go now, and leave your life of sin” (John 8).  A relationship with God isn’t a future but current reality. Surely a loving God seeks to encourage us to pursue heavenly than worldly ways here on earth for our own happiness.

Why not live like hell here on earth?

I have been under God’s influence most of my life. I’m not necessarily more moral than many who don’t have a relationship with God. I am positive though I am a better husband, father, and friend because of God’s influence. God only wants to help you become the person you deep down desire to come. We will fail but God is quick to forgive and help us to get back up. Go ahead and live like Hell while here on earth! Careful the regrets you, your family, and friends will feel at the end of your life. Decide on short or long-term happiness. Careful that our character developed here on earth may make the change process longer and more painful in the life to come.

What’s next?

The Bible talks about everyone, whether having faith here on earth or not, will be judged. After death God may bring to memory actions of betrayal and how it felt to their victims. The cleansing and educative effect may take longer for some than others. Justice from a fair, merciful God is possible despite people being given a second chance after death. We don’t know exactly what happens after life here on earth. We are free to speculate what a loving God might do. It is just as reasonable, if not more reasonable, to believe a loving God can choose to take forever in this life and the life to come to save everyone from themselves.

Click on FOLLOW at bottom right of this page to enter email address to be notified of future Posts. No other unrelated emails will be sent. Go to About/Using This Site tab at top of page or Menu on phones to help navigate this Site. I also blog at http://donewithreligion.com If you wish to discuss anything I have written, you can email me at medwar2@gmail.com